It has come to my attention that I am not the only one who thinks it’s next to impossible to make friends as an adults. Just like Beyonce’s long ass braid that landed right on shoulder during her Formation Tour right now. How did she get that braid ponytail on that shoulder like that ?????. That is some Jedi mind trick shit right there.
I have watched the video so many times still don’t get it. Anyways back to trying to make friends.The pressure to make friends when you are in new a city, school or work is high. It doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or extrovert, we all want someone to eat lunch.
We want to find people that have the same things in common, so we can have something to talk about. With that said we do not want to to just anyone and end up befriend a total psycho. Now you are stuck and you do not know how to unfriends the psycho.
Being a new kid on compass is hard but even harder especially if you don’t know ANYONE at all. When you do not know anyone you really have to try or ; if you are luck someone will feel sorry for you and invite you to sit with them.
My little theory is making friends as an adult is particularly extra difficult because we are aware of how other people concise us. We are worried about rejection, looking desperate and feeling embarrassed. As kids we aren’t as affect of all those emotions, so its easier to make friends.
Being afraid of rejection is only natural. I totally get it rejection sucks, everyone wants to be wanted. Most adults already have their own long time friends. If you become friends with someone with a clique you sometimes fear the group accepting you. We never to try make connections because of this fear. Cliques are the hardest to weasel your way in, trust me I know. There is this group of really cool black girls I know. I have been trying to weasel my way in their squad for years now still no luck.
In fear of looking too needy we never actually ask these simple 8 words that would save us all the headache of trying to find out if someone wants to befriend you too “ do you want to be my friend ?” I can confidently say I don’t remember ever asking someone if they wanted to be my friend. I have wanted to but I always thought I would come off desperate and also the fear being rejected and looking like an idiot.
When we are new at a place we usually do or say embarrassing that make us stay up all night thinking about it or immediately think ” Is that a rock over there ?, because I’m just go over there and crawl under it or I could use a sink hole right about now.” So we give up trying to make friends so we don’t embarrass ourselves more.
I had a personal experience this year where I realized how hard it was to try to make a friend. So first of all lets get to know the kinda person. I am a Social Introvert and Social Introverts like people but can find them exhausting.
I like hanging out with people but I am only fully comfortable in small groups and people I already know . So I usually make my friend’s through other people. Or extroverts that force themselves on me which I am 100% OK with. I love when people approach me saves me the trouble of trying to start small talk and embarrassing myself. Secondly, I am picky when it comes to making friends. I am the kinda person who gets annoyed easily; so I take my time assessing people just to make sure that they wont annoy me in the long run .
I always have my guard up. I can be friendly with someone for months before I give them my phone number or add them on Facebook. You will know as much as I want you to know that’s how I open up . I always find it so difficult being a good friends with my bosses because I usually draw a hard line between boss and employee. Its because I am form Africa and was raised by African parent. In my culture you leaders are not your friends you respect them , have nothing in common and that’s that’s. I saw the picture on the bottom and I could reality so much.
So early this year I was trying to get this girl to be my friend. I thought she was cool and she dresses so well. I like clothes so when I find someone with style I like I try to befriend them so I steal their secrets. So when this girl started working at my work ,I was really trying to befriend her. But I didn’t have an angle. I remember saying to her “I like your look”. those were the words I actually said I felt so lame and embarrassed . Like what? who says that. It doesn’t seem that bad but she nervously laughed and said thanks that is why i was embarrassed. After that I dropped the what do you do for fun line. It turned out we had nothing in common. I shop at Forever 21 , she hates that “peasants store”. I am actually paraphrasing she what she really said was she can never find anything there because there is too much to look at. I am an unpaid professional TV watcher , she works out endlessly and eat health . She wasn’t feeling me and I was disappointed, because we could have been something.
End the of the day I said “you know what ,it’s cool we have nothing in common anyways, I didn’t want to be your friend anyways. I have a couch and a subscription to Netflix and Shomi, So Whatever. ” As I Cries inside a little.
I just started a new job everyone seems nice, so I cross my fingers I find a lunch buddy. What are some tricks and tips everyone has to making friends when you are new in a city ,at job or a new school?